We die with the dying:
See, they depart, and we go with them.
We are born with the dead:
See, they return, and bring us with them.
T.S. Eliot, “Little Gidding”
My late mother filled me with a love of all kinds of books as a child by reading to me, helping me learn to read myself, getting me a library card early, and taking me to our Beaux Arts library every week. She never forbade me borrowing any book no matter the subject or reading level, and she mocked the juvenile reading assignments we had at school. Sometimes she even mocked my teachers themselves. It was delicious to feel part of a conspiracy with my mother, and I think I was already learning something about appearance, reality, pomposity, and satire that would help me years later in my academic mysteries.
This erudite and witty Holocaust survivor who loved Thomas Mann, Tolstoy, Aldous Huxley, Balzac, and Stefan Zweig also adored mysteries. Devoured them. She read mysteries with the devotion she gave to the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle, which she said had helped her perfect her English once she got to the United States. I suspect it might also have helped her face the puzzle of her own life, her miraculous survival when so many dozens of her family members had perished or been murdered during the war.
On a typical day, the shelves in my parents’ bedroom where she kept her library books would have a wide range of crime fiction, and thanks to her, I discovered Agatha Christie, John Creasey, Maj Sjöwall and Per Wahlöö, Daphne du Maurier, and Phoebe Atwood Taylor–-a very eclectic bunch.
When I started my Nick Hoffman mystery series, I quietly dedicated it to her, though she would never be able to read any of it, because by that point she had drifted far out onto the sea of dementia. I made my narrator, the besieged professor Nick Hoffman, a quotation-happy book lover. I also made him something of an outsider since he’s a New Yorker in Michigan. In another private nod to my mother, I gave Nick in-laws who were refugees from Belgium which my parents were in a way. Lines that my mother had said or might have said weave their way through the series in silent tribute.
Someone who idolized that newspaper, she would have been proud to see my series reviewed in the New York Times Book Review more than once. I hope she would have recognized herself in this line from one of those reviews: “Nick Hoffman mows down intellectual pretenders with his scathing wit….the idiocies of academe always bring out the caustic humor that is the best part of him.”
My mother was the child of revolution, born to a Menshevik father who had to flee Petrograd when the Bolsheviks seized power. Through my childhood and adolescence, I watched her endlessly discuss history, politics, and state power with neighbors and friends. Her perspective on international affairs was informed by her deep reading in current events and her encounters with Soviet and Nazi brutality, but that didn’t mean she had lost her sense of humor. She once quipped that Spiro Agnew’s droning speeches reminded her of “Stalin on a bad day.” And she noted that a week before Stalin died, she had toasted to his demise at a party of Holocaust survivors. “It worked! Maybe I should have tried that sooner?”
She loathed Nixon and the Vietnam War and had made plans to get me to Canada should I be drafted. I know she would be appalled by the growth of our national security apparatus and the way it’s trickled down to local police departments who have become obscenely militarized. I wrote Assault with a Deadly Lie, the mystery of mine that was nominated for a Midwest Book Award, with that massive cultural shift and my mother very much in mind.
It’s the darkest book in my series. Nick Hoffman’s academic world is invaded by stalking, harassment, police brutality, and much more. In a way, that book wasn’t just a continuation of the series, it was a continuation of the conversation I’ve been having with my mother ever since she stopped talking to anyone back in the early 1990s, ever since that voluble, highly intellectual woman disappeared into silence.
My mother died in 1999, but in my writing, she’s profoundly, beautifully alive. I’ve been paying special tribute to her these past few years in a handful of memoir essays like this one in The Smart Set: https://www.thesmartset.com/portrait-of-a-lady/
Lev Raphael is the author of twenty-seven books including ten satirical mysteries. He is also a winner of the Reed Smith Fiction Award, a Lambda Literary Book Award, and International Quarterly’s Crossing Boundaries Award for Innovative Prose. That prize was given to him for an essay about his mother.
(Photo by matthew Feeney (@matt__feeney) on Unsplash)
I always enjoy reading about your mother and the Portrait of a Lady essay was quite moving.
Wonderful piece, and on so many levels.