Nude Authors?

(Report from the PR Front)

The Guardian recently ran a story about an author doing a book event in the nude and it got me wondering about what desperate publishers might be planning next. 

I ask because I care. And because I've been publishing books since 1990 and have seen publicity fads come and go--and sometimes come back.

One thing that hasn't changed is that editors and publicists will freely tell you that nobody knows for sure what consistently works in terms of promotion, and everyone's looking for the next hot thing.  At the moments it seems to be how many Twitter or Instagram followers you've amassed. Oh, and a hefty amount of reviews on Goodreads.

What you as an author can be sure of, though, is that whatever the latest idea is, it'll be promoted as if nothing else before it ever worked or could have ever worked.  The hot new thing is meant to burn away the memory of every other hot new thing you were told was absolutely brilliant.

Remember when video trailers were a must? Ditto blogs and blog tours? And before that a continuously updated website and newsletter? And leather jackets for women authors who wrote thrillers so they could look tough in their publicity photos? And before all that, book marks and post cards and any gimmick related to your book, even tangentially? You might recall other “must-do” PR highly recommended by your publishing house.

As Colin Watson wrote, "If there is one thing the promotion industry does superlatively well, it is to promote itself." Look at all the writers who hire their own publicists. Many years ago I dropped $1500 for a publicist who did help me get some more reviews which ended up boosting my sales by a total of—wait for it—six more copies of the book.

The pressure on authors can be relentless and maddening. Push, push, push.  Sell, sell, sell.  One thing that hasn't come up, at least not widely, is selling yourself.  I mean literally: your body.  Because publishers do love young, sexy, photogenic authors with great hair.

While people do have their hair and makeup done for their author photos, publishers haven't yet become diet and fitness Nazis.  They don't push their authors to lose weight.  They don't urge us to take hot yoga, go running or swimming or skiing, do Pilates or Krav Maga  They don't suggest fashion makeovers, keeping track of your body fat percentage, working with a celebrity trainer, liposuction. or plastic surgery.

Because otherwise you'd see a rash of author photos of writers in thongs or Speedos by a pool, or casually semi-naked at the Eiffel tower, and most obviously, working out at the gym.  Instead of a towel, your new book would be strategically placed.  So many fun possibilities!

Not yet. But I think the day is coming.  Body tan spray, anyone?

Lev Raphael once did a reading in a blistering hot Cape Cod venue with no AC wearing only beach shorts, flip-flops and a tank top—but that was when he was younger and lifting very heavy weights.

(Free image by himanshu gunarathna from Pixabay)