There’s a Pill for Writer’s Block!

Unable to finish what you started? Having trouble getting starting at all? Does the blank screen trigger anxiety and closet cleaning? Try WRITEVA®, the only doctor-recommended medication to help writers handle moderate-to-severe writer’s block. With hormones drawn from free-range Moray eels, taken as directed WRITEVA® will get you writing with new vigor and originality.

--Do not take WRITEVA® if you are allergic to any ingredients of WRITEVA® or suspect that you might be, or have ever read a blog by someone who was allergic and your friends and family think you’re a hypochondriac (Those jerks!).

--Stop taking WRITEVA® if you have unusual feelings of superiority—like imagining that the New York Times will do a feature showing you relaxing at home, barefoot, with a perfectly-styled coffee table and an adoring pooch at your side.

--Stop taking WRITEVA® if you find yourself offering unsolicited editorial advice to writers you’ve never met but whose websites and sales you envy. Or if you imagine the royalties from your next book can buy you a vacation home or even a Peloton.

--Patients taking WRITEVA® sometimes report side effects like unexpectedly writing unsaleable books in genres that their agents refuse to handle, especially poetry, essays, and memoirs that don’t include PTSD.

Call your doctor immediately if any of the following occur:

You think your new novel will kick ass.
Your writing exhibits a tendency to excessive metaphor.
You decide to conquer a genre you don’t even like, read, or know much about.
You find yourself declaiming in your sleep that Don DeLillo “isn’t all that.”
You keep re-reading the bad reviews you told your spouse you ignored.
You drunk-text agents, former editors, or reviewers.

Rarer side effects include:

Migraines; worsening writer’s block; partial paralysis; seizures; sudden death; significant hair loss every time someone mentions the New York Time Book Review, The American Book Awards, the Pulitzer Prize, David Foster Wallace or Stephen King.

ISN’T IT TIME YOU GOT BACK TO WRITING WITH JOY? TRY WRITEVA!®

(Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay)

Lev Raphael is the author of 27 books in genres from memoir to mystery and has published hundreds of essays, short stories, book reviews and blogs. Lev has done invited readings from his fiction and creative nonfiction in nine different countries. He’s also taught creative writing at Michigan State University and Regents College in London and has been invited to teach creative writing at Leipzig University in Germany.