Writers: It's Okay to Say "No"

(You don't have to accept every invitation)

Back when I was starting out as a published book author, a senior writer advised me to say “No” to out-of-state gigs speaking if I didn't think the honorarium was enough (flight and expenses were of course a given). The same went for in-state events.

She said to figure out how much planning time was involved, how much time it would take “there and back again” and decide if I was being appropriately remunerated. “Your writing time is valuable and being taken out of it makes a difference.”

A veteran of speaking engagements all across the country, she said that getting back into my writing groove could take longer than I thought. “And please remember that even if you’re only gone one full day, the flight days count too.” I got similar wise advice a few years later from another author, and trusting both women has saved me a lot of hassle and regret.

How to say “No?” Well, one writer friend used to decline by just saying, “Sorry, I’m booked.”

I've probably done hundreds of talks and readings by now in nine different countries and I've said “No” to more than one gig out of state where they were offering way too little. One California group not only proposed a piss-poor honorarium, they wanted me to accept “home hospitality.”

That showed a total lack of understanding of how difficult it is to be almost constantly onstage while you’re gone and how you need private time to decompress. And why would I want to stay with people I didn’t know? Add to that the difficulty of the three-hour difference in time zones.

A Florida organization once offered me no honorarium at all even though I was already going to be in their city for a conference, which meant they had no expenses whatsoever for flight, meals, or hotel. “It’ll give you exposure,” they explained. I declined without snark, but I was thinking Does an author of 25 books who’s been reviewed in The New York Times need their idea of exposure?

Maybe when you’re starting out you feel you shouldn’t ask for a speaking fee. But isn’t your time worth something? If you don’t like talking about money and you’re uncertain about how to approach the inviting agency or group, you can simply ask what their budget is for speakers. You’re working—why shouldn’t you be recompensed for that work? And why shouldn’t you be taken seriously as a writer?

I live in Michigan and when one university invited me to speak on campus and said they had no honorarium, I knew this was BS. I knew from many sources that the specific program had tons of money, but all I said was that even Michigan libraries had been offering me a speaker’s fee. That apparently shamed them into coming up with a reasonable honorarium.

The best advice, though, that I’ve gotten on speaking gigs is from my spouse, who always asks three simple questions: “Will it be fun for you? Will it feel new? And will I be hearing you grouse about it for two weeks beforehand, wishing you should have said no?”

Rules to live by. :-)

Lev Raphael has taught creative writing at Michigan State University, whose library purchased his literary papers in recognition of his place in American-Jewish literature. The archive is updated yearly and open to researchers.

Photo credit: Robin Higgins on Pixabay