Crap People Say to Writers

(all of these quotes are real)

I was watching a clip from the hilarious Graham Norton Show where Daniel Radcliffe and James McAvoy were sharing odd and borderline insulting things people said to them—while asking for their autographs. That didn’t surprise me. A good friend was sitting next to Helen Mirren on a Manhattan subway when a strap hanger starting dissing Mirren’s latest film.

But you don’t have to be a famous actor for people to feel they have license to criticize you. Publishing a book can be an invitation to a whole world of bizarre comments.

I’m not just talking about people who’ve actually bought your book.  Even people who haven’t read your book (or books) can feel encouraged to share, based on what they’ve gleaned from friends, reviews, the Internet, or ESP.

At first, when you’re on a book tour, it’s surprising, then tiring — but eventually it’s (kind of) funny and sometimes even offers you material for your next book. Especially if you write crime novels. . . .

All the comments on this list have been offered to me or author friends of mine.

—I liked your book, but I hated the ending.

—Your characters shouldn’t be so nice.

—Your characters should be more likeable.

—You need more sex in your books.

—There was too much sex in your book.

—The book doesn’t make sense unless there’s a sequel.

—You used too many words I had to look up.

—Too bad you’re not better known.

—It’ll never sell.

—What does your book say to women?

—My bookstore doesn’t carry any of your books.

—I found some typos in your book — you should fix that.

—I’d like you to write my book.

—What’s up with that cover?

—Can you tell your agent about me?

—You have a way with words.

—You need to put a nice lesbian in your next book.

—The stories in your book?  Some of them were short.  I think they must have left something out at the factory.

Lev Raphael is the author of 27 book in genres from memoir to mystery, has taught creative writing at Michigan State University and Regents College in London.  If you need editing, mentoring, or coaching, you can contact him at https://www.writewithoutborders.com

Photo Credit: Image by Amy from Pixabay